I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
