like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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