She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
