doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
