and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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