So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
