Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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