Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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