We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
