Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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