Grow some girl-balls and come out already
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
