Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
