Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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