I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He shit in the fireplace
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
