i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
