I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How drunk are you?
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