I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
