I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
