Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
