hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
