I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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