it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize