Just cropdusted the office
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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