this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
