I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
