My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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