walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
