I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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