i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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