apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it hurts more in the daytime
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
