WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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