my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
