I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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