I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
