he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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