I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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