That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
