Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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