i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
