Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize