Umm I'm too high to move.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
