I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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