You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I did not marry a roomba.
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