Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize