I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
