Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.

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(413): Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go. http://tfl.nu/wjr6

Replies (18) Good night (539) Bad night (1742)
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(650): View more from California

apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again

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(650): apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again http://tfl.nu/fi23

Replies (23) Good night (1323) Bad night (3680)
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(805): View more from California

Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...

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(805): Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head... http://tfl.nu/1do3

Replies (36) Good night (1246) Bad night (3523)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.

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(205): I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab. http://tfl.nu/cf76

Replies (30) Good night (7787) Bad night (952)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia

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(815): Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia http://tfl.nu/lbzr

Replies (1) Good night (1685) Bad night (730)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?

(501): View more from Arkansas

Go back and try to find another to go home with.

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(501): Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders? (501): Go back and try to find another to go home with. http://tfl.nu/r0ix

Replies (9) Good night (2411) Bad night (563)
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(408): View more from California

Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.

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(408): Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding. http://tfl.nu/vpqq

Replies (6) Good night (535) Bad night (1102)
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(813): View more from Florida

Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries

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(813): Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries http://tfl.nu/fs2y

Replies (0) Good night (958) Bad night (422)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I will give you all my nachos to make this happen

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(480): I will give you all my nachos to make this happen http://tfl.nu/ghnu

Replies (4) Good night (1147) Bad night (461)
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(520): View more from Arizona

I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.

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(520): I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special. http://tfl.nu/erlc

Replies (8) Good night (3467) Bad night (460)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

do u know what happened to the bottles last night?

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone

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(250): do u know what happened to the bottles last night? (1-250): apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone http://tfl.nu/opnd

Replies (4) Good night (1383) Bad night (308)
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(912): View more from Georgia

Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....

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(912): Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time.... http://tfl.nu/fwcj

Replies (11) Good night (1997) Bad night (358)
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(571): View more from Virginia

Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter

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(571): Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter http://tfl.nu/fvpm

Replies (2) Good night (788) Bad night (232)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it

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(507): Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it http://tfl.nu/9eeg

Replies (0) Good night (534) Bad night (203)
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(315): View more from New York

I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.

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(315): I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint. http://tfl.nu/31gg

Replies (4) Good night (396) Bad night (204)

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