Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
