I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
zippers are such a cool invention
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT