just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
