I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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