I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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