Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  So i had sex for a couple seconds last night

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  (419): So i had sex for a couple seconds last night http://tfl.nu/eni0
  Replies (20) Good night (708) Bad night (2491)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?

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  (631): Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's? http://tfl.nu/f1lf
  Replies (46) Good night (1397) Bad night (2728)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

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  (305): My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit. http://tfl.nu/7g7j
  Replies (32) Good night (4104) Bad night (1024)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work

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  (757): i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work http://tfl.nu/0keb
  Replies (20) Good night (5249) Bad night (1353)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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  (631): So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone http://tfl.nu/mgb2
  Replies (40) Good night (1153) Bad night (6869)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.

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  (605): I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done. http://tfl.nu/lxsz
  Replies (23) Good night (1215) Bad night (4738)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started

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  (812): Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started http://tfl.nu/zumk
  Replies (54) Good night (7177) Bad night (2225)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......

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  (571): how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days...... http://tfl.nu/e1u4
  Replies (10) Good night (3604) Bad night (1763)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.

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  (702): Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes. http://tfl.nu/674n
  Replies (18) Good night (1399) Bad night (3477)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.

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  (603): I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall. http://tfl.nu/67xg
  Replies (8) Good night (679) Bad night (1468)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  That was beautiful.

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  (775): True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate. (1-775): That was beautiful. http://tfl.nu/d63d
  Replies (4) Good night (1630) Bad night (1104)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.

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  (516): He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever. http://tfl.nu/8pla
  Replies (4) Good night (2131) Bad night (563)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes

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  (931): Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes http://tfl.nu/7hsu
  Replies (2) Good night (859) Bad night (411)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.

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  (727): His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten. http://tfl.nu/7i5j
  Replies (12) Good night (987) Bad night (376)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet

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  (907): I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet http://tfl.nu/tki5
  Replies (0) Good night (785) Bad night (200)

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