so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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