I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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