suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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