my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
