I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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