It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
