Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
