I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
