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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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