finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
