we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
