I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
