So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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