I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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