if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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