I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
