Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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