is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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