arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
