Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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