there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
