i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You made out with two different species that night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
