I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
