I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
