i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
