I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
