pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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