she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
