He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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