Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
