You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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