First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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